How burnout feels like E61
September 27, 2022
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It has been a while since I created a podcast episode on the topic of burnout. I feel like I want to get back and talk more about burnout again. For us to be able to heal from burnout we, first of all, need to realize that we are burned out. Make sense, right? So today I am going to share a bit more about how I felt BEFORE I even realized that I was burned out. Stay tuned.
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Why do I want to talk about what my life looked like before I realized that I was burned out? I want to help you understand what burnout can look like so you know what to look out for in yourself. Maybe you have a suspicion that you might be burned out. And listening to my story might help you in this process. So let me share with you today how it was for me.
As if my career would finally make me happy
In the year before I accepted that I was burned out, I focused little on looking after my body, my health, my friendships, and my relationship. I believed that all of my energy needed to be spent on my job and my career. In my head, it made sense that for me to one day be happy again, meant to work even harder, be more effective and get better results for my employer.
And don’t get me wrong. This was in a nutshell my attitude for most of my career years, not just the last year or years. I see now that I worked myself to my burnout for most of my professional career.
I did not realize that while I gave more and more of my energy into my work, I started to become less effective and my productivity went downhill. These constant feelings of frustration, sadness and hopelessness took more and more over and turned me into someone who procrastinated. I pushed tasks around to avoid them and sat for hours just pitying myself for how stressed and overwhelmed I felt all the time.
That´s when the crying started
Those overwhelming and paralyzing feelings just got so much that I had to let them out by crying silently in front of my PC. I did not question if that might be unhealthy but thought that better times would come around at some point. It had to, right?
I always told myself that an easier time in my role will come. It´s just another few months and then this project is over and I have some time to breathe and recover. But that time never came for me.
I actually never let it happen. I just kept pushing, I kept taking on tasks and projects. Unconsciously I kept creating situations that needed to be fixed – and of course just by me, not by someone else. Do you see where I went wrong there?
I never felt like I was allowed to feel this way
How can I be burned out? I don’t have kids. And I don’t have personal challenges in my life. I just have a busy and demanding job. I believed that this is for sure not enough to be burned out. Other people have far more responsibilities and problems in their lives and they are not burned out.
Well, now I know that they might well be burned out but are not openly talking about it or accepting it and seeking help. Like me, always hiding behind a mask of toughness, smiles and jokes! Given that recent studies show that more than 70% of professionals feel burned out or felt burned out before, means there must have been a few around me. But nobody talks about it.
The last few months before I pulled the ripcord I was in a daze of working and hating it. When I wasn’t working I would distract myself to not face the truth that something was just not right. Deep inside of me I already knew that I cannot keep going like this. But I was still not ready to accept it.
Let’s do even more to avoid looking inside of me
Instead, I piled on even more work to create my own business. That kept me busy during all the hours I was not supposed to be working, like the weekends. Pushing myself even more – just in a new way.
Mentally I was not in a good place. I was short-tempered and moody and every little thing felt like it was a disaster and somebody was out to get me. To be honest, I was not dealing very well with any kind of demands and the downward spiral continued.
By building my own business and focusing on spiritual topics, I thought I would be balancing out the stress and pressure I created for myself in my corporate job. I didn’t understand back then that you cannot balance out burnout. But I did not accept that I was burned out for quite a while.
Telling myself that I was just not doing a good enough job
I told myself to get out of this state once and for all and just fix it. I did not even understand what needed fixing, I just knew that I felt horrible and that living like this was not fun. Something had to change and until I finally accepted my diagnosis. I thought that I just had to get over this phase and move on.
When I describe my burnout now, I use phrases like: not being able to cope anymore, not having the right boundaries, focusing too much on work and achieving my next goal and not looking after myself and creating some kind of balance.
I was easily irritated by little things. I was frustrated with myself and could get upset quite quickly with others. Looking back at it, I was hardly ever in a state of being content or happy with myself or my life. There was always something to be irritated, angry or upset about.
But was I ever aware of what was happening to me? No!
I often felt frustrated, annoyed, overwhelmed, and helpless. I remember thinking many times that I should be able to get myself out of that funk. Yes, that’s what I called it: Being stuck in a funk.
As if this is just a moody phase and somehow I just need to get myself out of it. I achieved so much in my life and my career, so why could I not deal with this? Why was I not able to turn my life around and be just happy again? As if it is THAT easy.
I felt angry with myself, unable to just flip the switch and decide to be better from now on. In my head, either everyone else figured out how to flip that switch or I am doing something completely wrong in my life. I wondered why nobody else is feeling like this.
I tried so many things – but they all didn’t make me feel better
Seriously, I tried many times to change things in my life in a way to get over these feelings but it never helped. It was like a band-aid on a deeper wound. All these little interventions never fixed it. And of course, I never accepted to take the foot off the gas in my career and my working hours. That was never up for discussion! So whatever I tried, I always slipped back into how I felt before and every time I failed I was even angrier with myself.
Because I did not want to look inside of me, I kept finding the issues outside of me, in the physical world around us. I would get angry about my job, about the people not doing their job correctly, my employer, my boss and so on.
We are all on the same hamster wheel running ourselves into burnout
It is quite common these days that more and more people end up with burnout. Because we are all on the same hamster wheel telling ourselves that this is how it has to be.
It is about time we speak openly about burnout and start to inform ourselves and our loved ones so this does not become our new way of being.
Burnout is, unfortunately, a very real thing, and so common nowadays. And the sad thing is that it does not only make you feel chronically stressed at work but it will spill over to your personal life, too. Making you feel too exhausted or unmotivated to deal with things outside of work or even enjoy your time away from work.
What is on the other side of burnout?
And you might be asking what the opposite of burnout is. What would that look like? There isn’t really an opposite of burnout. You are either burned out or you are not.
Not being burned out is having a healthy state of mindset AND having a thriving career and personal life. If you are in no danger to be burned out, you have a great balance between stressful times and times where you can recover and feel good and relaxed.
You don’t feel constant pressure in all areas of your life. But rather have a positive mindset towards challenges and how they can be overcome. Additionally, you will have other interests outside of work that can bring you joy, peace and harmony. You can take a step back and see the bigger picture instead of going down a rabbit hole and calling every problem a disaster.
I never want to burnout ever again
I have gone through so much transformation and change since my burnout that I am pretty sure that I will never be properly burned out again. But that does not mean that I can slip back into some of these thoughts and behaviours that got me there in the first place.
So in addition to living my life with this awareness and observation, I use the *SORCE App to check in daily with my heart. In just 1-minute a day, *SORCE measures my nervous system and lets me know if I have to watch my energy resources, if I am balanced or if I have great energy and can push myself.
*SORCE is the perfect tool for me to check in with my heart
This is the perfect way for me to check in with my heart and my nervous system to signal to me if I take care of myself. And that is so important to learn when you think you are burned out or have been burned out in the past. I will add the link to the *SORCE App to check it out and sign up if you want to learn this, too.
I hope my story has given you better insights into burnout. And maybe it has given you insights into how you are feeling. My mission is to help everyone who feels burned out to accept it and change it. So you can transform and realize how awesome life can truly be.
*The SORCE App is sadly not available anymore for direct end-users.
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So whether you choose to donate, leave a rating and review, or both, know that you’re an integral part of my vision. You are helping everyone who struggles with burnout or high-stress levels to experience how awesome their life can be. So, thank you for your support!
You Might Also Like
- Burnout has been My Wake-Up Call to a New Life Episode 62
- 4 Often-Overlooked Life Areas that Deplete Your Energy Episode 94
- Checking in with my nervous system once per day Episode 70
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