Your Best Coach is always with YOU E101
July 11, 2023
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You may not be aware of it, but you have been coaching yourself since you were born. And today I want to help you to strengthen your self-coaching skills so you can be an even better coach to yourself. For me, being able to coach myself means freedom, self-empowerment and self-love.
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Your best coach is always with you. And that’s you! You might have never thought about it like that.
We are already coaching ourselves all the time – but might not be aware of it. When something went not as planned at work and you take a minute to reflect on what to do better next time. Or you have tension at home with one of your kids, you go within and reflect on what else you could try to release this tension.
Another example is when you come back from your holiday and you think about what you liked and what could have been better. And next time you book a holiday you make sure to improve on the aspects that you did not like. You don’t do the same thing again, just to end up having the same disappointing experience, right?
All of these are coaching instances. And in this episode, I want to open your eyes to the fact, that you are your best coach. And how you can become even better so you can strengthen your skills to always be by your side, so to say.
The Untapped Potential in Self-Coaching
There is so much untapped potential in most of us, for learning how to help ourselves.
Don’t get me wrong, I am a huge fan of seeking help from a specialist. Let it be a doctor, a therapist, a coach, a trainer or an educator. But what I see over and over again is that people start to fully rely on those specialists to feel better. And never really learning how to help and coach themselves.
It’s like you are learning how to play the piano and you take lessons. But then at home, you just don’t practice for yourself to get better. The only time you play the piano and practice is together with the teacher – as if you cannot improve your skills through your own practice.
Or you go to university to learn let’s say accounting. You finish your degree but instead of finding a job and applying what you learned, you keep going to university and keep learning the same things. As if you don’t trust yourself to do it yourself at some point.
We underestimate ourselves
We have vast potential inside of us, we are limitless in what we can learn and then do for ourselves. We just underestimate or think that it’s easier to move the responsibility to someone else, a therapist or coach.
That is exactly the reason why I hardly ever coach 1:1. I don’t want people to get reliant on me. I want to spend my time training people on the knowledge, skills and tools they need to do it for themselves.
I love the stories of my students when they take the knowledge and tools they learned and start applying them to new situations they experience. I find it beautiful magic that I can see in their eyes when they realize that it works – and that they can now go and apply what they learned to any problem or challenge in their life.
And yes, there are instances where outside perspective helps. Absolutely. But I work with coaches and teachers that help me and at the same time explain to me the process or tool, so I can go and do it next time myself. Does that make sense to you?
So what can you do to become a better Coach to yourself?
I picked 3 skills that I want to share with you today. If you work consciously on these 3 self-coaching skills then you are going to see changes happening in your life very quickly. And even if it’s just one of those for now, you will see how you will feel better very soon.
#1 – Observe yourself
That’s mostly what a Coach or Therapist does. He or she observes you and listens to what you are sharing with them. They are a neutral party that takes everything in: your story, your body language, your emotions becoming visible through your face, your words, and the tone of your words.
But the cool thing is, that you can become your own observer. You can become a neutral party to yourself and learn to create that distance between you and your thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, attitudes and feelings.
And once you have that distance, you can see much clearer. You suddenly see the bigger picture or someone else’s perspective or reason. It’s immensely powerful to improve your skill in being more aware and being able to observe yourself.
You can start by doing that more after an instance or a situation. And the more you do it, the better you get at doing it in real-time, when you are in the middle of a conflict, for example.
When I started learning and applying this, it changed my life.
#2 – Don’t judge
Again something a Coach or therapist is really good at is staying neutral and non-judgemental. They can look at the situation objectively and therefore see things that you are not able to see.
So this skill is an add-on to being your own observer. You want to observe yourself and then, not judge yourself or others, for that matter.
This skill is linked to your emotional state. When we are in full swing of our emotions due to a situation that happened to us, it’s very hard to now judge. You use the skill of stepping out and observing the situation from an objective standpoint, to step out of the emotions that were triggered.
One of the things I teach in the ENERGY ACADEMY is what emotions actually are, how they get created and how we can manage them. And once my students get this, oh my god, it changes everything for them.
It’s like a veil has been lifted and they suddenly let go of any judgement because they know what emotions do inside of ourselves and others.
#3 – Act consciously
Most of the time we react instead of act, especially when we think about conversations where we regret later what we said to the other person. When you look back at such a situation, you probably can see that you reacted based on your triggered emotions instead of taking a second and reflecting on your response.
By improving your skills #1 and #2, so being your own observer and being able to be neutral and non-judgemental, can you see that it will be easier for you to consciously chose your response?
You will suddenly be able to choose a different response than the one you usually defaulted to. You can suddenly walk away from a situation instead of fueling it like you have done thousand times before. And you can decide not to let people or things impact your energy but rather protect your energy.
What helps me is rehearsing my actions beforehand. If I have a situation that I dislike and I want it to go differently, I practice it. How will I act differently next time this happens? Do I know how the outcome will be then? No. But that’s outside of my influence. I can just influence my own actions.
So leverage the first 2 skills you learned today to be able to act consciously instead of just reacting.
Learn all 3 Skills in the ENERGY ACADEMY
I invite you to check out the ENERGY ACADEMY that I teach. You will learn all of these skills in that program. And by learning it on a deep level, you will be perfectly equipped to apply it then to any situation in your life.
Two easy ways to show your appreciation!
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So whether you choose to donate, leave a rating and review, or both, know that you’re an integral part of my vision. You are helping everyone who struggles with burnout or high-stress levels to experience how awesome their life can be. So, thank you for your support!
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