Why You Want to Shift from Expectations to Intentions E117
October 31, 2023
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Have you ever been disappointed because something did not work out as you expected it to be? I know how you feel. This happened to me so many times, that I can’t even count them. Until I learned about the difference between expectations and intentions. That knowledge and shift in perspective changed my life for good. So let me give this message over to you and see how it can change your life.
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First, let me introduce you to the concept of expectations. What they are and what they do to us. Afterwards, I will share the concept of intentions and you will see why you want to shift away from expectations and towards intentions.
Expectations create disappointment, resentment and sadness when not fulfilled
When it comes to thinking about our future, a lot of suffering and disappointment happens when we create expectations. We can end up being so overly focused and attached to a goal or outcome, that if we don’t get it exactly right, we cannot be satisfied with anything else we achieve. I want you to be able to spot these expectations from now on forward and be aware of them. Especially when you come up against them and let them define your mood and satisfaction with your efforts.
We can all have these questions: What does it take? When will I be ready? How long is it going to take? And the answer is: It takes as long as it takes.
What I have learned is that the more I stubbornly try to hold onto how I think it needs to be or when it’s supposed to come, the harder it gets. The more attachment I have to the HOW and WHEN, the longer it takes. An expectation is a detailed description of WHEN, HOW and WHAT.
What if expectations are not met? How does it make us feel?
When expecting something, we set ourselves up for an argument with reality. We have already created a narrative about the result: “how it’s going to go”, or “how it should/must/have to be” and consciously or not, we are expecting that story to unfold exactly like that. There is already uncertainty involved in the actual achievement of these expectations despite our best intentions and efforts. When we have expectations we are in a state of hoping or needing something. But the universe does not deliver on hopes and needs.
Therefore to be attached to the result while making the effort to achieve them can cause an unnecessary degree of anxiety, tension and fear of not achieving the result. It creates a fear of “losing” when you haven’t even started taking action towards your goal. Consider this: anytime you feel disappointed at an outcome, it is because the reality of the situation didn’t align with your expectations. Put another way, you expected one thing and got another.
Examples of Expectations not met
Let’s have a look at a few examples of expectations that you can probably relate to:
- You expected that moving to a bigger home would make you happier, but it didn’t, so you felt disheartened at the result of your move.
- You expected to easily find a love interest on a dating website, and then you didn’t, so you felt deeply discouraged about your potential for finding love.
- You expected your boss to recognize your hard work with a raise and then didn’t receive one, so you felt betrayed and let down by the company.
Those are examples of setting expectations and then these are not met, we are disappointed, feel betrayed and disheartened by everyone and everything in our lives.
Now let’s move over to the alternative to setting expectations which are to set intentions instead.
Intentions create self-empowerment, integrity and fulfilment in the present moment
We can have the intention to achieve and make the necessary efforts, without being worried about the fact that the result may not ultimately be achieved. If we set our intention toward an aim or purpose, while being detached from the exact outcome, we can pay full attention to our efforts, to the process or the journey, which can lead to the outcome nevertheless.
When we intend something and are open to either the actual outcome or a possible alternative outcome, there is an opportunity to learn, stay curious and be with a new and perhaps better outcome. It will free us from the fear “of losing”, it will allow us to focus on the present and enjoy the journey.
Setting an intention and letting go of any attachment to a specific outcome, allow us to control where we put our energy. An intention is simply an impulse, which gives structure and direction to creative energy.
Examples of Intentions instead of Expectations
Now see what happens when you shift your expectations into intentions based on the examples we had earlier:
- While settling into your new home, you set the intention to be grateful for all the newfound space it will give you to work and play with your family.
- When signing up for the dating site, you make it your intention to use the experience as a way of telling the universe you are ready for love and will engage with potential dates with lightness and a sense of humour.
- You do your work with the intention of it being of benefit to others, rather than for the credit it will bring you. You then approach your boss with a request for higher pay.
Intentions describe a way of being and living your life. It’s detached from a specific outcome and it defines your mood and outlook on life in the present moment. Expectations are focused on a specific outcome in the future that may or may not happen. An intention is a decision on how to live your life today.
Expectations are quite often only fulfillable with the influence and action of others. Others that we don’t have control over. Intentions rely upon choices you make yourself. Since it is impossible to control another person, your surroundings, or external circumstances, it is wise to put your energy into an area you can control—your mind, words, and intentions. And don’t expect others to do something for you.
So how do we set intentions without them turning into expectations?
Setting Intentions means asking yourself “Why” until you get to the core of what you really want. You want something and then you ask yourself Why. then you get another answer to which you ask again: Why? Until you cannot ask any further. Most of the time you realize that you end up at a feeling, a state of being that you would want in your life.
Linda’s personal example of finding the intention behind an expectation
Let me give you a personal example: An expectation I could easily set for myself is to practice yoga every day. That’s a pretty steep goal to achieve. Can you already see how I will disappoint myself pretty quickly? I can.
So then I ask myself: Why do you want to practice yoga each day? Well, I want to be fitter and leaner and feel strong in my body. OK, that makes sense. So the next question is: Why do you want to be fitter, leaner and feel stronger? Well, I am worried about my future. I am not getting any younger and I still want to be mobile and without any aches and pains in the next decades to come.
Great, we are getting closer. Let me ask you one more time: Why do you worry about not being mobile and with aches and pains in your future? Well, I want to enjoy my life to the fullest and for me, that means being healthy. There we are: You want to feel healthy and enjoy your life. Is that correct? Yes! I want to enjoy my life in full health.
Experience the different energy of an intention versus an expectation
Now that I found my true intention, I can use it to live my everyday life. I can decide to enjoy my life with full health today and make decisions around exercising, movement and nutrition based on that intention. I can stop worrying about the future and at the same time not pressure myself into an expectation which is mostly impossible to achieve.
Setting intentions is much more powerful when it comes from a place of contentment than if it arises from a sense of lack or need. Expectations are often created out of lack or a need to create a better feeling inside of you. Or they get created from an entitled ego, expecting things to be in a certain way just because. But Intentions have a more powerful and positive foundation. They come from a place of not expecting but intending to lead a happier life.
You set intentions in the here and now. They’re about how you are being in the moment as you work toward your goals. You can begin to fulfil your intention straight away and not wait weeks, months or years to reach an outcome and THEN decide to be happier, more joyful or less disappointed. Does that make sense to you?
Everything you learned in this episode in a nutshell
Let’s summarise the reasons why we want to shift away from expectations and towards intentions:
- An Expectation narrows your focus and limits the possible outcome. An Intention opens your focus and provides you with unlimited possible outcomes.
- Setting expectations means setting yourself up for failure and disappointment in the future. Setting intentions means taking control of how you live your life today.
- The fulfilment of expectations needs other people to take action or behave in a way that we cannot control. The fulfilment of intentions is in your circle of influence and you are in full control.
- And short and simple: You can decide to be happy once your expectation is met. Or you can intend to be happy right now. It’s that easy!
Intention Setting Meditation just for you!
And as always I won’t leave you hanging. Of course, I have a resource to help you create strong intentions in your life. An Intention Setting Meditation is just waiting for you on my YouTube Channel. In this meditation, I guide you to set a strong intention and bring it to life while being in a meditative state. You will love it, I promise you that.
Two easy ways to show your appreciation!
If you found value in today’s episode, here’s what you can do to show your support:
First, consider making a donation to the podcast. Every little bit helps to cover the costs of producing and hosting the show. And ensures that I can continue to bring you the latest insights and opinions on the topic of energy and improving your life.
Second, leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. This helps boost the podcast’s visibility and attract new listeners, which helps me create more tailored content for you to enjoy.
So whether you choose to donate, leave a rating and review, or both, know that you’re an integral part of my vision. You are helping everyone who struggles with burnout or high-stress levels to experience how awesome their life can be. So, thank you for your support!
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Free Intention-Setting Meditation
Use this Meditation to create a strong intention for your life and co-create it with the universe.
I’ve created two versions for you to choose from based on how you are feeling and how much time you have: 22-Minute OR 17-Minute.
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