The Cause of Your Suffering & How to Let Go E145
May 14, 2024
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If there is a part inside of you that is currently not ok, this episode is for you. What I am sharing with you today, will change your life. If you allow it to. I invite you to find out how your suffering is created and how you can let go of it. Let’s begin.
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When we talk about suffering in this episode, I mean any kind of lingering low-vibrating emotions. You can suffer from hating somebody. Or you suffer from being anxious about something. You can suffer from regretting a choice you made in the past. Just so you are aware, you can suffer for all kinds of reasons related to any low-vibrating aka negative emotions.
What is your kind of suffering?
So when I talk about suffering today, think about a negative emotion that you feel on a regular basis in your life. I am just giving you a few examples to choose from. And I want you to pick one because that helps you to apply the information I am giving you straight away.
Here is a list of negative or low-vibrating emotions: fear, anxiety, worry, insecurity, guilt, shame, hopelessness, powerlessness, anger, frustration, competition, envy, jealousy, importance, control, judgment, remorse, doubt, regret, despair, rage, hatred, sadness, unworthiness. I am sure you can pick one.
Buddha’s Truth about Suffering
Buddha’s First Noble Truth translates to “Life is suffering.” But why? It’s not like Buddha was negative or depressed. What he meant is, that everybody is suffering. Old people are suffering. Young people are suffering. Sick people are suffering. Healthy people are suffering. Rich people are suffering. Poor people are suffering. Men are suffering. Women are suffering. Everybody is suffering. But why do we all suffer?
There’s always something going on in our lives that is not so much fun, and we have to try and make it be OK, and that is called suffering. If we have to do something about it, we are suffering. We are trying to make ourselves be OK, instead of just being OK.
Buddha’s Second Noble Truth was: “The cause of suffering is that you have a way you want it to be.” The cause of suffering is that you decide how you want it to be, and now you suffer when it’s not that way. You decided, “I don’t want it to be a certain way.” Then you suffer when it is that way. And if it’s exactly the way you want it to be, you suffer because you’re afraid it will stop.
The Cause of Suffering
Buddha’s truth is that the cause of suffering is our likes, dislikes, desires, and preferences. He says: “You suffer, all of you. Everyone suffers because they have a way they want it to be.” If you have to do something about a situation or a person to try and be OK, it means you’re suffering. You have this need inside of you for this situation or person to be a certain way.
And where is this need coming from? You have a way you want it to be. That creates a need because it’s currently not the way you want it to be. And now you have to go out and try to make it happen that way. You have to get what you think will make you be OK. Can you relate to that?
We all do it – but don’t call it suffering
That is suffering. I know it sounds foreign because we all do it, but we don’t call that suffering. Suffering is a state of not being OK. It is a state of disturbance. You need to do things in order to make yourself not be disturbed. And Buddha was right. All people are suffering. And he is right about the why. That’s what’s so deep about his teachings. It was very simple. The cause of suffering is having a way you want it to be.
The world has been around for 4.5 billion years. It is the result of all the forces and universal laws that make it what it is today. It couldn’t care less how you want things to be. Things are the way they are as a result of 4.5 billion years. It has nothing to do with you. But you think that you get to make up what the next moment in front of you should be like. And then you get upset when it’s not the way you wanted it to be and then you suffer. That’s how you create suffering for yourself.
Wake up and ask yourself: “Are you having a good time?”
“The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences.” That’s the first line of one of the deepest Zen writings. That doesn’t mean that you suppress your preferences, that doesn’t mean you deny your desires. You can still have likes and dislikes. But you want to wake up and realize that you are not having a good time, but you should. You have a limited amount of time that you are going to be here. So enjoy this life, enjoy this beautiful and wonderful world you are living in.
Ask yourself this deep question and be honest about it: Why am I not having a good time? Why am I not enjoying this life and what’s unfolding right in front of me? And when you look deep inside of you, you will realize that it’s because you limited your happiness to events being exactly the way you define them to be. In order for you to feel good, be comfortable, be relaxed and enjoy your life, every single thing has to be the way you decided it has to be.
You allow it to make you not be ok
I invite you to wake up! You made up something in your mind that will make you happy and something that will make you unhappy based on your past experiences, your likes, dislikes, preferences and desires. And you allow it to make you not be ok. If you just had a wonderful meal and you’re full, you don’t sit around thinking about what you can eat. If you just met somebody and you’re in this wonderful relationship, you don’t think about who to date. If you are fulfilled, you don’t sit there thinking, “What do I need in order to be OK?”
You are only ok and not suffering for a few moments when everything and everyone is exactly how you wanted them to be. But your normal state of living is suffering. You fight as hard as you can to manipulate the world unfolding in front of you to match what it is you made up and then if it matches some, you feel pretty good. If it doesn’t match, you feel terrible.
The probability is ZERO
The probability that the world in front of you is going to unfold exactly the way you want it to be is zero, and you know that. You know that because that’s why you plot and plan all the time. That’s why you’re so busy manipulating everything and everyone around you. Why do you dress a certain way and buy every single thing in the world? You’re trying to manipulate the moment in front of you so that it simulates what it is that you want so that when it comes in, it will feel good and not feel bad.
I am telling you that getting what you want is so overrated. And avoiding what you don’t want is so overrated, too. It’s a waste of your life. Why? One, you’re not going to get what you want. You know for a fact, it’s true. You’re living proof. You are not going to get everything the way you want it, are you? And it’s not going to stay that way. It’s just every once in a while, it looks like it’s going to be that way and you get excited, but it doesn’t last very long.
Suffering is a waste of your life
Devoting your life to getting what you made up, and trying to make it be that way, is a waste of your life. It causes suffering, it causes anxiety, it causes all kinds of tension. Why do you think we have so many problems? How can you not have problems if you’re fighting with everything and everyone to try and make it the way you want? Getting what you want, and avoiding what you don’t want is an endless journey, isn’t it?
You’re devoting your life to the part of you that’s not OK. It’s the same as devoting your life to the negative emotion you selected at the beginning of this episode. All it does is make you become addicted to that part of your being and that emotion.
How to Let Go
So what do we want to do instead? What’s the alternative? As with everything the first step is becoming aware of it. The part of you that is not ok. You want to become aware of the moments in your life when you don’t feel ok. There are enough of those moments to become aware of.
Once you become aware of it, you are not it anymore. You stepped into the role of the observer. You are observing the thoughts and feelings that represent the part of you that is not ok. Now you’ve put some distance between these thoughts and feelings and yourself. You can look at them which means you are not them anymore. You stepped out of the program that was running.
And next, you relax and let go. You release whatever made you not be ok inside of you. And I will talk to you now about what that means.
You are the Master of Your Self
I want you to know that you are the master of yourself. If you want to let go of a notion inside of you, you can. If you want to let go of a past experience, you can. If you want to let go of a desire or preference that so far has not come true, you can let go of it.
You collect a lot of stuff inside of you that is the cause of why you cannot enjoy the life that you are living. And people will tell you that if you are not ok, do something about it. But I am not telling you to do something about it. I want you to get rid of the reason it’s there and makes you uncomfortable. I want you to decide to let go of it. Whatever comes up, just let go of it. You don’t need it. It just makes you miserable.
What does it mean to let go?
It doesn’t mean you have to forget everything, no. You let go in a way that it does not disturb you anymore. And for you to do that, I need you to stop suppressing or ignoring it. That’s what created it in the first place. Every moment in your life where you liked or disliked something, a memory was created. And when something in your life triggers this memory, it makes you go: I like this. I don’t like this. That’s all that is. The outside world which you have no control over, hits your memories and forces you to feel a certain way. Let’s get rid of it all.
And if it’s not in you anymore, all of a sudden, you’re going to be free. You’re going to find out that you don’t need things to be a certain way for you to be OK. The only reason you needed them to be a certain way, is because you limited yourself by storing all this stuff inside of you.
Your past does not belong inside of you!
I promise you, you can get rid of them, all of them. There’s not a single one that needs to be inside. Your past does not belong inside of you. As you let go of these things, you’re going to find out that you’re way happier than you were before. Why? Because you don’t have blockages inside anymore, you don’t get triggered all the fricking time. You feel the spontaneous joy and love all the time, unconditionally. You don’t need things to be a certain way for you to be ok.
You’re just ok. You just feel waves of uplifting spirit, joy, and love pouring through your being all the time because that happens to be your natural state. What you did is shove all this stuff on top of it so now you’re blocked and the only way you feel ok is when something happens that matches your stuff, your likes, your preferences.
You need to want to do it
You can do whatever you want in there. I’ll teach you how. I can go for an hour to inspire you to do it and I only need one minute to tell you how to do it. You need to want to do it. You can let go of the things that happened to you. You do not have to store them inside of you. There is no purpose for storing them inside of you.
And if you can let it go for 10 seconds, you can let it go for 10 minutes. Either you do or you do not have the ability to let go. It’s your choice! People say to me, what do you mean by let go? Just relax. Relax. You don’t change it. Every time it comes up, every time something happens and it hits your stuff, you let it go. Just relax, keep relaxing and let go.
At first, you don’t know how to do it. You don’t know how to play the piano at first. You didn’t know how to do math when you started your math class. You did this thing called learning. Why can’t you learn this? It’s the most important thing you will ever learn: how to let go of the garbage that you’re building up inside yourself. Because you can’t be OK with this garbage in there.
I am willing to let go and stop suffering
So tell yourself: I don’t want this inside of me. So if I have to go through the growth of what it’s like to let it go, I am willing to do that. I am ready, willing and able. In fact, it is the meaning of my life. The meaning of my life used to be to make the world match my junk. Now, the meaning of my life is to let go of my junk. And I’m telling you, it works. It can’t not work!
You can use any moment in your life to let go. Instead of doing something to be ok, you go within, become aware, observe what’s going on and relax and release. And releasing does not mean expressing it onto other people. Releasing does not mean to suppress, deny or ignore it. Releasing does not mean to control it. Releasing does not even mean accepting it. Because the cause of the disturbance is not going away because you accept it.
Releasing means to surrender
Realising it means surrendering to it. To look at it and give it the space and time it needs to be released. If you stop the process at any of the other stages: expressing it, suppressing it, controlling it or accepting it. I promise you it’s going to come up again. If not in the same situation, somewhere else. You allowed that part of you to still exist inside of you. You just found a way to live with it. But accepting is not the same as surrendering.
You have to be willing to let go of yourself, this part of you, at the deepest level. You become aware, you begin to observe and you say: This is causing me not to be ok. It’s out. It’s gone. You tell it to leave your being. You release it. When I do it I always think about the Marie Kondo method: “Thank you and goodbye.” I literally talk to “it” and say: Thank you for having been part of me. I release you now. I know I created you and now it’s time to go. Thank you and goodbye.
What did the Buddhists say? “All life is suffering. The cause of suffering is you. You built this preference system inside of you. To end suffering, let it go.” Just let go of the part of you that is separating the world into like and dislike, and everything will change. And I’m telling you, you are capable of it.
Let go of your likes and dislikes
Let go. You do not want to keep the part of you that’s not OK. You want to be the part that is OK. Therefore, you have to let go of the part that’s not OK. Not control it, not trying to manipulate the world to make it be OK. It doesn’t know how to be OK. It’s never been OK for your whole life. Let it go. Let it go. That’s deep spiritual growth.
I have a wonderful guided meditation for you to let go of the emotion that you selected at the beginning of the episode. I literally guide you through the process that I apply every time something hits my junk. Please use the Emotional Release Meditation to begin to kick that stuff out of you. Start with one emotion and then keep going.
Or you can find the Emotional Release Meditation on my YouTube channel. Thank you so much for being with me here today. And with that, I love you and leave you. Talk soon and bye bye.
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You Might Also Like
- Struggling to Enjoy Life? Fall in Joy with Life Again Episode 139
- How to Create True Freedom from the Inside Out Episode 130
- How changing actually looks & feels like Episode 109
USE this free meditation to let go of a negative or low-vibrating emotion
Please use this meditation to let go of the emotion you selected at the beginning of the episode. I guide you through the process I apply every time something hits my junk. It’s time to kick that stuff out of you. Start with one emotion and then keep going.
I’ve created two versions for you to choose from based on how much time you have and how deep you want to go: 30 Minutes OR 19 Minutes.
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