My Surrender Experiment: 5 Revelations (Part 2) E152

July 2, 2024

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Today I am giving you an update on the progress of my surrender experiment with my body. It’s been 6 weeks since I shared my deeply personal story and my plans to get to another level of relationship with my body. I share with you 5 things that happened to me or came to me throughout this first part of the journey. Let’s dive in!

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#1 – The Tipping Point

I talked about this briefly in last week’s episode but I want to go into more detail. This is a make-or-break kind of knowledge. So many people who listen to my advice and follow the different techniques and tips that I share, will time and time again come to me and ask why it’s not working. They feel like they are not making any progress. They are doing the work, they have light bulb moments, processing stuck emotional patterns, and so on. But their goal still feels so far out of reach.

And to be honest, that’s how I can easily feel as well about my last 6 weeks. Nothing changed in my mindset towards my body or my body shape in general. So I could be in a similar mindset as my students or friends BUT I know better. I have experienced this quite a few times by now, to know how this works.

You are making progress, one step at a time. You are making so much progress that you are not even aware of – until you hit that tipping point. And once you hit the tipping point, everything changes. ( see the last few seconds of the video where the bucket gets full and then splashes over) It’s like a bucket of water that takes its time to fill up, but once it hits this point of being full enough, it tips over and the amount of water that comes flooding out is the representation of the change that you suddenly experience.

Keep going! Never give up!

What I want to tell you with this metaphor is to keep going. The one thing that you never want to do is give up. And I tell myself this as well on this journey. There is no fricking way that I am going to give up this time. I am going to get through on the other side, whatever it takes and however long it will take.

Please don’t feel like you are doing it wrong. And if you do, then remember the bucket of water and the tipping point that you are working towards. One drop of water at a time. And sadly there is nobody telling you if you just have 10 more drops to get to that point or 100 drops of water. You will only know when you get there. But in that moment, you won’t care anymore. You will just be ecstatic that you made it and that you did not give up. You will know 100% that this journey was worth it and that every hard bit of this journey got you to your goal.

And that’s what I remind myself of every single time I look in the mirror and still feel negatively towards my body. Every time I put on clothes and don’t like the way it makes me feel. I keep reminding myself that I am making progress every single day and that one day it will feel so different and that’s why I keep going. I know it’s happening and I will never give up. So that was my revelation number 1 for today. This is just such an important message for everyone who is on this journey of change or like me on a surrender experiment.

#2 – Releasing old emotional patterns

The second tip or technique that I have for you is not such a revelation in itself because I talk about this all the time. But what has been surprising is the amount that I have been doing this over the last weeks. I am talking about releasing stuck emotions and letting go of old emotional patterns. I am going to share with you the exact situations I have been releasing emotions on the topic of my body mindset.

If you want to know how I release emotions then I have several blogs on this and a meditation that guides you through the process. I will link those for you. But today I want to share with you the situations or instances where I came up against emotions to release.

The first one came to me when I sat in silence which I have been doing a lot in the last 6 weeks. I asked my Higher Self and my subconscious mind to show me a memory of where I have stuck emotions in relation to the way I feel and think about my body. And what came to me is the memory of a photo I remember from when I was 21 or 22. My friend shot this photo where I was lying on my side and because my jumper rose up I could see my belly and it did not look very flattering.

I remember to this day how it made me feel and I believe this was the first time I ever looked at a photo of myself and felt shame about my body. This might be the moment I started to dislike my body when it comes to my weight. I know I already had issues with how I looked when I was a teenager but that was more about how light my skin was and not about my body weight.

Discovering the pattern throughout my life

So this is the first emotion I released. The feelings I still have inside of me when I remember this photo. And then I realized in the same session that I had this again and again. Photos of me where I hate looking at myself. And either it’s that I hate already how I look at this angle or whatever else I can criticise about myself. Or how I look in relation to other people, especially women in the photo.

This is a huge area where I still have emotions for me to release over the next weeks and months. I even, funnily, got given another photo last weekend. I had friends over and one of them made a hugely unflattering photo of me. And in the first instance, I saw this photo so many emotions came up and I jumped to tell her to delete it straight away. But then I realized that this is a sign and gift from the universe to be able to let go of more of this stuff that is stuck inside of me.

So I asked my friend to send me the picture so I could actually use it to release the emotions that come up when I look at myself in this photo. I even had the idea to try to find other photos like that and use them. But if I am honest, I have enough examples up here in my mind of photos like this for me to work with. So this is one technique I use a lot more in this surrender experiment and for me, revelation number 2 is how much more stuck emotions I have inside of me about my body.

#3 – Synaptic connections to break

This revelation is another insight I received when I sat in silence. Like I said, I do it much more at the moment as I am working on something specifically. But I am not doing it every single day. I always need a break after I receive a huge insight to let it sink in and do its magic.

This insight I worked through for about 3 days. You can see how much of a process it can be. I am not going to share the whole story as it will take too long but just highlight the beginning and mostly what I received out of it. And to be honest, I don’t think I am through with this one yet. There is still more for me to discover and process.

This was about 2 weeks ago when I sat in silence and asked the universe to give me another memory, insight or message for my surrender experiment. And after a few minutes, a memory came up when I was around 20 to 21 years old and just about still living at home. And I kept experiencing this memory and this time in my life to see where this was taking me. In the beginning, I had no clue why this was shown to me.

Making the connection

I think by the end of the session I realized that it must have something to do with the time I was still at home and then I moved out and moved away a couple of hours from where I grew up. It must have been the next day when I drove to work and again asked myself what this memory meant to me that I realized that it was the time that I moved out and that I started for the first time in my life to put on some weight. I was eating pretty badly and was drinking quite a lot of unhealthy drinks or alcohol. In a sense, no surprise that I would put on weight but I reminded myself that there must be another reason why this was shown to me – not just the 3D stuff about bad eating and drinking habits.

It was on day 3 that I started to realize a pattern for when in my life I was easily losing weight or had hardly any weight issues. And 2 examples came to me which made me see that in both cases I received a lot of attention and I was really popular. And when I had this revelation, I was like: Wow, somehow my brain connects getting attention and being liked with being at my ideal weight and having no weight issues. This means I can only be happy in my own body if I get a lot of attention and am popular. WOW, mindblowing!

Instantly I knew that this was a subconscious programming that I wanted to and needed to release. I want to break this synaptic connection in my brain that believes that I can only lose weight when I am in a situation where I get a lot of love and attention from others. Obviously, I want my subconscious mind to believe that I can be my ideal weight without anyone’s attention and without being popular.

There is more to discover

I am not completely through with this pattern and I have a feeling that I have not yet uncovered the full information. Probably because I have not figured out yet where exactly this is coming from. It has an origin story somewhere in my childhood and my subconscious mind has not given this to me yet. Which is ok. It just means it’s not the right time yet. I can already work with the information that I have and make progress on breaking this belief construct in my system.

I am already very grateful for the universe showing me this and helping me to realize what kind of weird connections I have in my subconscious program. And obviously, if this belief is stuck inside of me then I can never lose any weight unless I am not popular and get a lot of attention. But like I said, I think this even goes deeper and I will keep you updated on what else I discover on this revelation.

#4 – Processing of your dreams

The next revelation happened to me just a few days ago. I woke up in the morning straight out of a dream with some strong emotions. And the emotion was sadness, grief and loss. And given how strong it was, I decided to stay in my bed for a while longer and process the emotion. I went into the emotion and asked it to show itself to me. And initially, it was sadness and grief and loss.

But what happened next was a much stronger emotion. And that was fear of loss, fear of sadness and fear of grief. It was much more powerful and showed itself very painfully to me. It was an intense process of being with this fear but I stuck with it and did not stop the process until I could feel it releasing and leaving my energy system.

Feeling emotions suddenly differently

Not only did I feel like the fear emotion has gone down significantly but what I realized as well was that I felt grief, loss and sadness on a much lighter level. I tested it by imagining life situations where I would feel immense loss and grief and it suddenly felt so much lighter and easier to feel. Probably because of the fear of feeling these emotions was released. It was an amazing revelation and experience.

Do I know if this is somehow related to my surrender experiment? No. With my conscious mind, I cannot say yes it is or no, it is not. But I know that there is a much bigger plan for this journey that I will never understand. So all I can do is trust and work through the “tasks” that are given to me. Because I asked for them. I asked to be on this journey and I know that the universe or my Higher Self knows much better how to guide me through this. So I continue to trust.

#5 – It gets worse before it gets better

And trusting the process leads me to my fifth and last revelation that I had over the last weeks. This is a sentence I have known since I was a child or teenager: “It gets worse before it gets better.” I have been told this many times when it comes to healing something. When the healing process is happening it can often get worse before it gets better.

It reminds me of what a lot of people who have healed themselves say, in the process of change that leads you to your healing, quite often the world around you starts to fall apart. And that is initially shocking and you might even take it as a sign that you are on the wrong path. But again, I have heard this so many times from so many people that I know that this is a good sign.

My world is falling apart

2 weeks ago we had a health scare with our dog Mykey where we had to take him to the emergency vet in the middle of the night. He is fine now, but it was quite unsettling as you can imagine. And then last week, it was my husband who ended up in hospital for 2 days. And yes, he is well again but this was too much for me to ignore as a sign.

For me, this means that I am changing and that I am doing it right. But that can mean that a lot of things around me happen that I would not generally classify as “progress”. I have listened to so many people who healed themselves and to most of them it happened. So many things in their lives fell apart and things got worse before they got better. So I decided to take this as a good sign and manage myself through these rollercoaster situations with the tools that I have.

If you are currently going through your own change journey or surrender experiment, then remember this: If things seem to fall apart right in front of you, trust that this is the universe setting things right for you to heal, to change and to evolve.

See it as a good sign

I am obviously not looking forward to even more things happening in my life on this experiment, but I am ready for it to happen if that is what it takes. I talked to the universe about this, and I am ready to experience whatever I need to experience to heal myself from this negative body image. Actually, it really helps me to see this mindset as an illness or a condition which I want to heal. Because that’s what I am trying to do. To heal myself.

Thank you so much for being with me here today and listening to my update on this surrender experiment. I hope I was able to inspire you to start your own experiment or for you to decide to heal yourself. I will give you another update and be very open and honest with you about what I go through on this journey.

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My Surrender Experiment: My Body (Part 1) Episode 146
Struggling to Enjoy Life? Fall in Joy with Life Again Episode 139
How to Create True Freedom from the Inside Out Episode 130

Be guided through the process of emotional release with this FREE Meditation

I guide you through the process I apply every time something hits my junk. It’s time to kick that stuff out of you. Start with one emotion and then keep going.