My Surrender Experiment: Healing (Part 3) E159

August 20, 2024

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The past three months have been a whirlwind of self-discovery, personal growth, and profound transformation as I embarked on my Surrender Experiment. If you’re new to this journey, don’t worry; each part of this episode stands alone, but for those who have been following along, you know that this has been a deeply personal exploration into letting go, particularly around my body and body image. Today, I’m excited to share a pivotal moment that occurred three weeks ago—a moment that has fundamentally changed my life, even if that change isn’t outwardly visible to others.

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If you have not watched Part 1 and Part 2 of the Surrender Experiment series, no worries. You can follow this episode without having watched the previous videos. But if you want to know more about what the experiment is all about and what my update was 6 weeks into the journey, then I will link to the 2 videos for you:

E146 – My Surrender Experiment: My Body (Part 1)

E152 – My Surrender Experiment: My Body (Part 2) – First 5 Revelations

A Significant Shift: The Event That Changed Everything

Three weeks ago, something happened that I can only describe as life-altering. While it might not have been noticeable to an outside observer, inside, I experienced a profound transformation. This wasn’t a sudden occurrence but rather the culmination of a journey I’ve been on for years—specifically, the past three months of my Surrender Experiment. I didn’t reach this point alone; I had help, both divine and earthly, and I’ll get into that shortly.

But before we dive into what exactly happened, it’s important to acknowledge that this event was preceded by numerous steps of letting go. These steps weren’t just about the act of surrendering itself but also involved the removal of emotional blockages and limiting beliefs that had been holding me back for years. So while this event felt monumental, it was also the result of a long, intentional process of self-development.

For those who might be wondering if you can experience something similar without having gone through the same steps I did, the answer is yes. Everyone’s journey is unique, and while my path involved a lot of preparatory work, your experience might be different. However, I believe that my years of inner work made me more receptive to the profound shift I’m about to describe.

The Power of Remote Healing: A Turning Point in My Journey

A little over three weeks ago, I reached a point where I felt the need for external help in my surrender journey. As some of you might know, I am a Reiki master and often participate in remote healings on a voluntary basis. I’ve been part of a healing group for several years, and while I usually don’t take the opportunity to receive healing myself, I felt a strong pull to do so this time.

So, I decided to put myself in the position of the Healee instead of the Healer. This was a big step for me, as I’ve always been more comfortable giving than receiving. The experience that followed was nothing short of extraordinary.

During the remote healing session, I felt as if something was being physically removed from my solar plexus, my third energy center. The experience was intense—painful, overwhelming, and even a bit frightening—but I knew I was being supported by the loving energy of the group members. It felt as if something higher, something more spiritual, was assisting in literally pulling this blockage out of me.

What made this experience even more profound was a memory that surfaced during the healing. I saw myself as a child, around seven or eight years old, wearing a particular dress that I remember vividly. This memory seemed to be linked to the energy that was being released, although I still don’t fully understand the connection.

Letting Go of Alcohol: A Surprising and Welcome Change

Immediately after the healing session, I didn’t feel much different—at least not at first. But within days, I noticed something remarkable: my desire to drink alcohol had all but disappeared. This was a habit I had struggled with for years. Drinking a glass or two of wine in the evening had become my go-to way to relax or suppress emotions. Even after giving up alcohol for ten months last year, I knew deep down that I hadn’t truly resolved my underlying issues. I was merely using willpower to avoid drinking, but the desire was still there.

But now, it was gone. The urge to drink, which had once been so powerful, had vanished almost overnight. I didn’t have to force myself not to drink—I simply didn’t want to anymore. It felt like a miracle, and I couldn’t help but reflect on how significant this change would be in the long term. If I had managed to let go of this habit that had controlled me for so long, what else might be possible?

This change wasn’t just about alcohol. It was about the deeper issues that had driven me to drink in the first place—issues that I had finally been able to release during that remote healing session. The healing wasn’t just a one-time event; it was the culmination of years of inner work, all leading to this moment.

A Newfound Desire for Health and Strength

In addition to letting go of my need for alcohol, I experienced another surprising shift. Last week, out of the blue, I felt an inner calling to move my body more. But this wasn’t the usual, “I need to lose weight” or “I should look better” kind of motivation. This time, it came from a place of love and care for my body. I found myself thinking, “Maybe I should go back to the gym,” something I hadn’t considered in nearly a decade.

My relationship with the gym has always been complicated. About ten years ago, I was a regular gym-goer, working out almost every day. But eventually, I grew tired of it. The motivation that had once driven me—mostly a desire to lose weight and look better—no longer felt meaningful. For years, I didn’t do much in the way of physical exercise until yoga entered my life about five years ago. Even then, my practice was on and off, and in the past year, I had barely done any yoga at all.

But now, I felt a genuine desire to strengthen my body—not to change how it looked, but to support it, to build muscles around my joints, and to feel healthier. This wasn’t about punishment or forcing myself to achieve a certain aesthetic; it was about love and care for my body. I wanted to feel stronger and more energized, not just for today but for the future.

This new motivation was entirely different from anything I had felt before. It wasn’t driven by a need to fix something or prove something. It was about enhancing my well-being, enjoying the process, and supporting my body in a loving, compassionate way.

Embracing a New Approach to Fitness

So, I joined a gym. I’ve already been there once and plan to go again tomorrow. But this time, my approach is completely different. I’m not going to the gym to push myself to the limit or to punish myself for not being “good enough.” Instead, I’m going to enjoy moving my body, to feel stronger, and to support my overall health.

I’ve decided that I’m only going to do things I enjoy at the gym. It’s a big place with lots of options, so if there’s a class or a machine that doesn’t appeal to me, I’ll skip it. I want this experience to be joyful, not a chore. I want to build strength and endurance, but I want to do it in a way that feels good to me, that makes me look forward to my workouts rather than dread them.

This shift in perspective is huge for me. In the past, exercise was something I did out of obligation, driven by a desire to change my body in ways that I thought would make me more acceptable, more worthy. But now, it’s about feeling good, enjoying the process, and supporting my body in a way that feels loving and kind.

The Journey Continues: This is Just the Beginning

Reflecting on these past three weeks, I’m filled with gratitude. The changes I’ve experienced—letting go of my desire for alcohol, rediscovering a love for physical activity—are things I’ve wanted for a long time but didn’t know how to achieve. And while these changes feel monumental, I know that they are just the beginning.

This journey of surrender, of letting go of old habits and beliefs, is far from over. There are still many layers to peel back, many more blockages to release. But I’m excited to keep going, to see what else is possible. This experiment has shown me that profound change is possible, even when it feels like nothing is happening. It’s reminded me that the work we do on ourselves, even when it seems slow or insignificant, is always leading us somewhere important.

I’ll continue to share my journey with you as it unfolds. There’s still so much more to explore, so many more insights to gain. I’m committed to this path of surrender, and I can’t wait to see where it leads next.

In the next episode, I’ll share another significant event that happened to me this week—an experience that’s opened up new possibilities and deepened my understanding of this journey. Until then, I encourage you to reflect on your own path. What habits or beliefs are you ready to let go of? What new possibilities might open up if you allow yourself to surrender?

Thank you for being part of this journey with me. I’m excited to continue exploring, growing, and transforming, and I look forward to sharing more with you soon.

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Find out how you stop yourself from feeling better Episode 157
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The Cause of Your Suffering & How to Let Go Episode 145

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