Facing My Ego: A Shocking Realization About Myself! E165
October 1, 2024
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My recent six-day me-retreat has been transformative in more ways than I can describe. From profound inner revelations to uncomfortable truths about myself, this journey has reshaped my perspective on personal growth and self-compassion. Here, I’ll share some of the experiences and insights I gained during this time of solitude, introspection, and self-discovery.
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Discovering My Personal Heaven
I spent my retreat in the quaint village of Lind, nestled in the rolling hills of the Eifel region in Germany. The scenery was nothing short of breathtaking—panoramic views of lush green hills stretching as far as the eye can see. I found my favourite spot on a hilltop where the beauty of nature left me speechless. Standing there, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace, like I had found a piece of heaven on Earth.
My accommodation was a cosy apartment on the edge of the village, offering stunning views and a quiet space for inner work. My days followed a simple yet profound routine. Mornings began with meditation, followed by breakfast, journaling, and studying the book “A Course in Miracles.” Afternoons were spent in more meditation, processing, and reflective walks through the endless paths around the village. I intentionally cut down on distractions—no TV or social media during the day. However, I did allow myself some leisure time in the evenings to unwind, which led to a surprising breakthrough in my mindset.
Uncovering Uncomfortable Truths
The most challenging part of the retreat came when I delved into a workbook exercise by Mel Robbins, titled “Get What You Really Want.” The exercise involved repeatedly asking myself “Why?” to dig deep into the root causes of my desires. I started with a seemingly noble goal: to help people heal and be happy. But as I peeled back the layers of my motivations, I was confronted with a startling realization—my true underlying need was to feel connected and avoid loneliness.
This discovery was uncomfortable, to say the least. I realized that much of my drive to build a thriving business was rooted in a fear of being alone. It was a harsh truth to face, but it didn’t stop there. I probed deeper, asking what need I was trying to fulfill and what lack I was trying to fill. The answer was even more unsettling: I had created this sense of loneliness myself, and I was perpetuating it because, deep down, I felt superior. I believed I could do things better alone, which justified my isolation.
A Harsh Realization: The Ego Unveiled
Realising that I was holding onto a sense of superiority was shocking. I had unconsciously been using my desire for connection as a mask to cover this belief. I saw how this mindset had been sabotaging my efforts to connect with others and grow my business. This realisation felt like a punch to the gut, but it was also a moment of clarity. I could no longer hide from this truth.
I then applied the same exercise to other areas of my life and uncovered two more uncomfortable truths: in one area, I was playing the victim, and in another, I was pretending to be helpless. Each of these realizations was painful, revealing that behind my seemingly noble goals and aspirations were deeper, less admirable motivations. But rather than letting these discoveries paralyze me, I chose to face them head-on.
Forgiveness and Moving Forward
Confronting these truths was just the beginning. I had to find a way to process and release them. I turned to meditation and the teachings from “A Course in Miracles,” which have been invaluable throughout this journey. One of the most powerful lessons I learned was that mistakes are merely errors in perception that can be corrected. This perspective allowed me to forgive myself for these unconscious patterns and to release the judgment I felt.
In a meditative state, I asked for forgiveness—from myself and from the universe. I acknowledged my errors and committed to making different choices moving forward. This act of self-forgiveness was transformative. A few hours later, the pain and shock of these realizations had faded, as if the events had occurred weeks ago. It was a surreal but liberating experience, and I felt a deep sense of peace and freedom.
Redefining My Path: A New Beginning
This retreat has marked a turning point in my journey. I’ve committed to letting go of the belief in my superiority and embracing my equality with everyone else. I’m choosing not to be a victim of societal norms or past conditioning. And I’m done pretending I don’t know how to change. I do know how, and now I’m empowered to act.
This experience has shown me the power of calling myself out on my own bullshit. It’s uncomfortable, yes, but it’s also incredibly liberating. When you see through your own self-deception, you can begin to make real, lasting changes. I’m now more committed than ever to correcting my errors with love and compassion while holding myself accountable.
Embracing the Shadow: The Workbook
For those who want to explore this kind of deep inner work, I’m creating a workbook based on the exercises I did during this retreat. It’s designed to help you uncover your own hidden motivations and work through the uncomfortable truths that may be holding you back. If you’re ready to go beyond surface-level growth and dive into the depths of your subconscious mind, this workbook will be a valuable resource.
I’ll be sharing more details in an upcoming podcast episode, so stay tuned if you’re interested. In the meantime, remember that facing your shadow side is not easy, but it’s essential for true transformation. Forgive yourself, be gentle, and know that each step you take towards authenticity is a step towards greater freedom and fulfilment.
As I wrap up my last day in this beautiful place, I feel grateful for the opportunity to share this journey with you. Thank you for being here, for listening, and for being a part of my growth. Until next time, take care, and remember that I’m always with you in spirit. Talk soon!
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The No. 1 Workbook to Embrace Your Shadow
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