Can’t Control Your Emotions? Fix Your REM Sleep First! E183

February 11, 2025

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Today, we’re tackling a topic that affects all of us—emotional balance. Have you ever felt moody, irritable, or just out of sync with yourself? The answer might not be what you expect. In this episode, we’ll uncover the powerful connection between sleep—especially REM sleep—and how it helps regulate your emotions. Stay tuned as we explore how better sleep can lead to a more balanced, resilient you.

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Why You’re Feeling Moody and Cranky—And How Sleep is the Missing Piece

Have you ever had one of those days where everything seems to annoy you? Maybe you snap at your loved ones for no reason, or you feel like the smallest inconvenience sends you into a spiral of frustration. You’re not alone. Many of us experience emotional ups and downs, and we often assume it’s due to stress, hormones, or just having a bad day. But what if the real culprit was something else entirely—your sleep?

Yes, you heard that right. If you often find yourself feeling moody, irritable, or overwhelmed, there’s a strong chance that your sleep—particularly REM sleep—hasn’t been giving your brain the emotional reset it desperately needs.

In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to overlook the importance of a good night’s rest. We sacrifice sleep for deadlines, socializing, or even just catching up on our favorite shows. But skimping on sleep doesn’t just leave you feeling groggy—it can significantly impact your emotional well-being.

Dr. Matthew Walker, a renowned sleep scientist, has extensively studied the intricate relationship between sleep and our emotional health. His insights reveal that when we don’t get enough REM sleep, our brain struggles to process emotions properly, making us more reactive and less resilient. By the end of this episode, you’ll understand why you feel the way you do and how improving your sleep could be the key to stabilizing your emotions and showing up as your best self each day.

How Sleep Shapes Your Emotional Responses

Let’s take a real-life example. Imagine you have a close friend who is always full of energy, someone who radiates enthusiasm and lifts your mood whenever you talk to them. On a well-rested day, you love catching up with them. Their excitement fuels you, and you leave the conversation feeling inspired and uplifted.

Now, picture that same conversation on a day when you’re sleep-deprived. Instead of feeling energized, their enthusiasm suddenly feels overwhelming. Their fast-paced storytelling, which you usually enjoy, feels like too much to handle. You find yourself impatiently waiting for them to get to the point, or worse, feeling the urge to cut the conversation short. You may not say anything harsh, but internally, you’re struggling to tolerate the same interaction that would normally bring you joy.

This isn’t about making excuses for being short-tempered or dismissive, but rather understanding that sleep deprivation alters your emotional landscape. When your brain is well-rested, it has the capacity to regulate emotions, allowing you to engage with others in a positive way. But when it’s deprived of REM sleep, the same interactions that once felt uplifting can feel overwhelming or even irritating.

This shift in emotional perception isn’t just about conversations with friends—it happens in all areas of life. A minor inconvenience that wouldn’t normally bother you, like someone cutting in line or a co-worker asking a simple question, suddenly feels like a major annoyance. This is because your brain hasn’t had the chance to process and regulate your emotions overnight, leaving you less patient, more reactive, and easily overwhelmed.

By recognizing this pattern, you can start to see just how much sleep influences your mood and how you interact with the world. The good news? It’s something you can improve, and later in this episode, we’ll talk about exactly how to do that.

Why REM Sleep is Critical for Emotional Balance

One of the key stages of sleep involved in emotional regulation is Rapid Eye Movement, or REM sleep. During REM sleep, our brains become highly active, almost mirroring the activity levels when we’re awake. This stage is often associated with vivid dreaming, but beyond dreams, REM sleep serves a deeply therapeutic role.

Dr. Matthew Walker describes REM sleep as a form of “overnight therapy.” It’s during this phase that our brains process the emotional experiences we’ve encountered throughout the day. The brain replays these experiences, but with a twist—it does so in a neurochemically safe environment. This means that while we’re revisiting potentially stressful or traumatic events in our dreams, the brain dampens the stress-related neurochemicals, allowing us to process emotions without the intense emotional charge.

Think of it as a natural form of emotional first aid. By processing emotions during REM sleep, we can wake up feeling more balanced, with a clearer perspective on our experiences. It’s almost as if our brain is detoxing emotionally, helping us wake up with a fresh emotional slate.

On the other hand, when REM sleep is cut short or disrupted, our brains struggle to complete this essential emotional processing. This leaves us feeling unsettled, more prone to negative emotions, and less equipped to handle the challenges of the day. Over time, chronic sleep deprivation can lead to heightened anxiety, mood swings, and even long-term emotional distress.

Understanding the role of REM sleep in our emotional well-being is a game-changer. It highlights that getting enough sleep isn’t just about feeling rested—it’s about ensuring your brain has the time it needs to process, reset, and support you in showing up as your best self.

How to Improve Your Sleep—And Boost REM Sleep

Now that we understand how vital REM sleep is for emotional well-being, let’s explore four practical ways to enhance sleep quality and make sure you’re getting enough deep, restorative sleep:

Stick to a Sleep Schedule – Your body thrives on consistency. Going to bed and waking up at the same time every day helps regulate your internal clock, ensuring you cycle through all the sleep stages properly. One mistake many people make is thinking they can “catch up” on lost sleep by sleeping in on weekends. Unfortunately, this disrupts your sleep rhythm and can make it harder to fall asleep on Sunday night, leading to another week of poor rest.

Create a Wind-Down Routine – Your body needs cues to know it’s time for bed. Many people unknowingly sabotage their sleep by scrolling through their phones, answering emails, or watching intense TV shows right before bed. Instead, try reading, meditating, or practicing light stretching to help signal to your brain that it’s time to relax. Keeping a consistent bedtime ritual can significantly improve sleep quality over time.

Limit Blue Light Exposure – The blue light from phones, computers, and TVs tricks your brain into thinking it’s still daytime, suppressing melatonin, the sleep hormone. Many people assume that using “night mode” on their devices is enough, but research suggests it’s still not as effective as reducing screen time altogether. Aim to avoid screens at least an hour before bed to support natural melatonin production and ease into sleep more smoothly.

Be Mindful of Your Sleep Environment – Your sleep environment plays a crucial role in the quality of your rest. Many people overlook factors like room temperature, noise levels, and bedding quality. A room that is too warm can prevent deep sleep, while even small amounts of ambient light can interfere with melatonin production. Investing in blackout curtains, a comfortable mattress, and minimizing background noise with a white noise machine or earplugs can create a sleep-friendly environment that encourages deeper, more restorative sleep.

Final Thoughts and Your Next Step

I encourage you to pick just one of these sleep tips and apply it to your routine for the next week. See how it affects your sleep quality and, in turn, your mood and emotional resilience. Small changes can lead to significant improvements over time.

If you’d like to go a step further, I have a Sleep Meditation, Fall Asleep Meditation, and a Sleep Subliminal specifically designed to help improve sleep on my YouTube channel. Give it a try and see how prioritizing your sleep can truly transform your daily experience.Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Raise Your Energy Podcast. Until next time, sleep well and take care!

Two easy ways to show your appreciation!

If you found value in today’s episode, here’s what you can do to show your support:

First, consider making a donation to the podcast. Every little bit helps to cover the costs of producing and hosting the show. And ensures that I can continue to bring you the latest insights and opinions on the topic of energy and improving your life.

Second, leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. This helps boost the podcast’s visibility and attract new listeners, which helps me create more tailored content for you to enjoy.

So whether you choose to donate, leave a rating and review, or both, know that you’re an integral part of my vision. You are helping everyone who struggles with burnout or high-stress levels to experience how awesome their life can be. So, thank you for your support!

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USE this free meditation to fall asleep better

If you seem to have issues with falling asleep then this guided meditation will help you with that.

For us to fall asleep we want our brain waves to move from BETA brainwave patterns to alpha, to theta and into DELTA brainwave patterns. DELTA brain waves mean you are asleep.