Your Likes and Dislikes Are Ruining Christmas — and Your Life E177
December 24, 2024
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Welcome to today’s episode, where we’re diving deep into a fundamental aspect of the human experience — why so many of us feel trapped in a cycle of unhappiness. It’s a topic we all resonate with because, let’s face it, we’ve all been there. We chase after what we think will make us happy, only to find that the happiness doesn’t last. We resist what we dislike, only to suffer more in the process.
But what if the key to true joy isn’t about controlling life at all? What if it’s about letting go of the endless back-and-forth with our likes and dislikes? Today, we’ll explore a radical, yet liberating perspective that just might change how you approach life — not just during the holidays, but every single day.
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The Cycle of Unhappiness
Let me ask you something: Have you ever thought, “If only I had that job, that relationship, that bank account, then I’d be happy?” It’s a belief we cling to so tightly — the idea that our happiness is just one achievement, one person, one moment away. And yet, even when we do get what we want — the promotion, the dream house, the recognition — the happiness we were so sure would come? It’s fleeting. It’s fragile. And often, it doesn’t even feel like enough. And why is that?
Well, here’s the truth: Happiness doesn’t come from the things you think you want. It comes from somewhere much deeper. And as long as your sense of peace and fulfilment is tied to the endless list of things you like and dislike, you’re not just chasing happiness — you’re running from misery.
You see, life rarely aligns perfectly with what you want. We live in a world that doesn’t revolve around our preferences. Yet, we spend so much of our time resisting what is and obsessing over how things should be. “I like this; I don’t like that. I want more of this; I can’t stand that.” Every moment becomes a battle between reality and your mind’s preferences.
Why Getting What You Want Isn’t the Answer
And when life does go your way? It’s never enough. Because once you’ve achieved what you thought would make you happy, the fear of losing it sneaks in. Maybe it’s the job you worked so hard for, but now you’re afraid of failing. Or the relationship you dreamed of, but now you’re terrified of rejection. That same mind that told you, “If only I get this, I’ll be happy,” has already moved on to its next set of demands. And when you inevitably lose what you clung to so tightly? You’re devastated. Back to square one.
This is the challenge we all face. Not getting what you want, makes you unhappy. Getting what you want, doesn’t make you happy. And losing what you have? That can break you. So, what’s the real issue here? It’s not about the things themselves. It’s not about whether life gives you what you want or takes it away. The real problem lies in your attachments to all these likes and dislikes.
As one of my favourite teachers, Michael Singer, puts it, “Every preference is a prison. Every time you cling to something — aka ‘I need this to be okay’ — you give away your freedom.” Think about that. Your likes and dislikes aren’t just personal quirks. They’re bars in the cage that keep you trapped in the same cycle of disappointment and fear.
So, how do we break free? How do we find happiness that doesn’t depend on external conditions? Well, that’s what we’re going to explore in the rest of this episode. But first, let’s sit with this truth: It’s not about life giving you what you want. It’s about freeing yourself from the need to have it in the first place.
What Are Likes and Dislikes, and Why Do They Steal Our Joy?
So, let’s get to the heart of it. What exactly are these likes and dislikes that cause so much trouble in our lives? Why do they have such a grip on us? To understand this, we need to look at how they operate in our minds.
At their core, likes and dislikes are mental preferences. They’re the stories your mind tells you about what needs to happen in order for you to feel okay. They’re the filter through which you interpret life: “I like sunny days, so I’m happy today,” or “I dislike traffic, so now I’m stressed.” Harmless enough, right? But here’s where it gets tricky — they don’t stay neutral. They grow. They demand. They dictate how you feel in every moment of your life.
Likes and dislikes are the mechanism by which the mind tries to control the uncontrollable. Think about it. Life is unfolding all around you, and most of it is completely out of your hands. But your mind creates these preferences as a way to feel some semblance of control. It decides, “This is good; that is bad. I need this to happen, and I can’t stand that happening.” And in doing so, it ties your happiness to things you can’t fully control.
How Christmas Expectations Steal Your Joy
Here’s the kicker — your likes aren’t any better than your dislikes. They’re two sides of the same coin. Why? Because the moment you decide you like something, you create an attachment. You’re saying, “I need this to stay just the way it is to be okay.” But life is always changing. So, when that thing you like inevitably shifts, you suffer.
As this episode is launching on Christmas Eve, let’s take a few examples from this time of the year. Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy, connection, and celebration. But have you noticed how often the holidays bring out our strongest likes and dislikes? “I want the house to look just right,” or “I can’t stand my Aunt’s stories at dinner.” These preferences feel so natural, so normal. But if we really examine them, they’re the very things robbing us of the happiness we’re seeking.
Let’s look at your likes at Christmas. Maybe you’re dreaming of the perfect Christmas morning. Everyone gathered by the tree, cheerful music in the background, and steaming mugs of cocoa in hand. But then the kids wake up grumpy. Someone spills the cocoa on the white carpet. The playlist keeps playing Christmas songs that suck. And suddenly, you’re irritated. Your happiness, which was tied to this idealized version of Christmas, is shattered because reality didn’t match your preferences.
Now let’s talk about your dislikes at Christmas. Maybe there’s a family member you dread seeing. Every year, you think, “If only they didn’t come to dinner, this holiday would be perfect.” But they’re here, just like they always are, and your dislike colours the entire day. Instead of enjoying the people who are present, you’re stuck in resistance, wishing things were different.
Why Your Attachments Make the Holidays Harder
Likes and dislikes are like invisible strings pulling us in every direction. They’re the mind’s way of trying to control the uncontrollable. You like quiet mornings, but your neighbour starts mowing the lawn at 8 am. You dislike cold weather, but it’s December, and snow is falling. The moment life doesn’t align with your preferences — which is most of the time — you suffer.
Here’s the thing that I learned myself just a year ago: your likes can be just as damaging as your dislikes. Why? Because the moment you decide you like something, you create an attachment. You’re saying, “I need this to stay just the way it is to be happy.” But life is always moving, always changing. Even if Christmas morning goes exactly as you planned, what happens when the wrapping paper is torn, the presents are opened, and the magic fades? You’re left longing for it to last, or already planning how to make next year even better.
So, what’s the takeaway here? It’s not that you shouldn’t enjoy the lights, the traditions, or the moments of togetherness. But when your happiness is tied to things going exactly as you want, you set yourself up for disappointment. Every unmet expectation, every change, every spilled cup of cocoa becomes a reason to be upset.
That’s why its a gift to understand your likes and dislikes: when you see how they pull you away from the joy of the present moment, you can begin to let go. You don’t have to resist the burnt pie, the grumpy relative, or the imperfect day. And in doing so, you make space for something much more powerful — peace and happiness that don’t depend on everything going your way.
The Possibility of Inner Freedom
Now that we’ve uncovered how likes and dislikes keep us trapped, let’s shift our focus to something much more inspiring — the possibility of living a life free from their grip. Imagine it for a moment. Imagine waking up in the morning and not immediately being pulled by the endless chatter of your mind: “I hope this happens today. I can’t let that happen. I need this to go my way.” Imagine moving through your day with a steady calmness, no matter what life throws your way. Doesn’t that sound… liberating?
When I reflected on this earlier, I compared this kind of freedom to standing on solid ground while the waves crash all around you. Right now, most of us are out in the ocean, getting tossed around by those waves — the wave of wanting, the wave of disliking, the wave of needing things to be different. When we cling to our likes, we’re swept away, desperately paddling to hold on to the things we think we need. When we resist our dislikes, we’re pulled under, struggling against the current of what we wish wasn’t happening. It’s exhausting.
But what if you didn’t have to struggle? What if you could step out of the ocean and stand on the shore, watching those waves come and go without being moved by them? That’s what we’re talking about here — not some impossible, idealized life, but a real inner transformation. A life where you don’t need things to go your way to feel okay. A life where you’re no longer at the mercy of every passing thought, feeling, or event.
The Freedom of Letting Go and Showing Up Fully
Let’s break it down. When you let go of the need for life to align with your preferences, something extraordinary happens. You discover that you don’t have to fight reality. You don’t have to control it. And without that constant struggle, what’s left? Peace. Tranquility. A quiet joy that comes from simply being here, in this moment, exactly as it is.
Sure, it might sound hard. Letting go of likes and dislikes isn’t something you just snap your fingers and do. These preferences are deeply ingrained. They’re how your mind has tried to make sense of the world for years, maybe decades. But here’s the thing: every time you let go of one of those attachments, even for a moment, you get a glimpse of what’s possible. You realize that you don’t need life to be perfect to feel whole.
Think about the freedom of this kind of life. The holidays don’t have to unfold perfectly for you to enjoy them. The weather doesn’t have to be sunny for you to feel at peace. And even when challenges arise — because they will — you’re not thrown into chaos. You stay steady. You stay grounded. And in that steadiness, you find something that no amount of likes and dislikes could ever bring you: real happiness.
Doesn’t that sound like more fun? Instead of clinging to your likes or resisting your dislikes, you can move through life with openness and ease, welcoming whatever comes. Because here’s the secret: it’s not about what life gives you. It’s about how you show up for life. And when you’re free from the constant tug-of-war with your preferences, you can finally show up fully — for the people you love, for the experiences that matter, and most importantly, for yourself.
Letting Go and Embracing the Flow of Life
As we close out today’s episode, I want to leave you with something to think about — something that could change the way you approach not just this holiday season, but your entire life.
Take a moment and zoom out. Look at the bigger picture. I like to remind myself that this entire universe has been unfolding for billions of years. The Earth has been spinning through the vastness of space for over 4.5 billion years. Life has been evolving, flowing, and adapting without any help from us. And yet, here we are, these tiny, temporary beings, trying so hard to control every little detail of our lives.
Think about it. You didn’t set the planets into motion. You didn’t make the sunrise this morning. You don’t control the beating of your heart or the growing of the trees outside your window. Life — this miraculous, incomprehensible flow — is taking care of all of it. And yet, we sit here, caught up in our likes and dislikes, acting as if our happiness depends on bending this infinite, magical process to our will.
Here’s the truth: you can’t control life. You can’t make it align perfectly with your preferences. And the harder you try, the more frustrated and miserable you’ll feel. But here’s the good news — you don’t have to control it. Life doesn’t need your help. It’s been unfolding just fine for billions of years, and it will continue to do so, whether or not you get everything you want.
The Secret to Happiness: Trusting Life’s Flow
The only thing you can control is your attitude. You can choose how you show up in the face of life’s endless unpredictability. You can cling to your likes and dislikes, resisting the flow, or you can let go. You can trust that life knows what it’s doing. And when you do, something incredible happens. Instead of fighting reality, you start to flow with it. Instead of resisting what is, you embrace it. And in that space of acceptance, life gets lighter, easier, more joyful.
Imagine what it would feel like to wake up each day without the weight of needing things to go your way. To simply let life unfold as it will, and to meet it with openness, curiosity, and a sense of wonder. That’s the invitation I’m offering you today: to let go of the exhausting fight with life and to embrace the magical flow that’s been carrying you all along.
Because here’s the secret: happiness doesn’t come from controlling life. It comes from letting go and trusting it. And when you do, you’ll find that life — just as it is, in all its chaos and beauty — is more than enough.
Thank you so much for spending this time with me today. I’m grateful you chose to be here, especially during this special season, to explore a new way of looking at life. I hope this episode has inspired you to let go, embrace the flow, and discover the deeper joy that’s always been waiting for you. Happy holidays, and I’ll see you next time!
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